Destinations

So it's been a rough couple of days. I suppose my emotions have been highly unstable. I find my self very hard to deal with. But I suppose that's pretty much all chicks some more than others. I got a lot going on in my head. So much stuff I need to think through that I just haven't made time for. A whole lot could be so much better than it is now. I've been so patient with myself I feel like I'm about to explode. My prayer life is sliding down a hill daily. I still pray daily just about all day but it's not as heart felt as usual. As odd as this may seem I am so happy about all that you have been recieving. It's so good to see so much moving in a different direction for you. Too see your dedication and faith in God rewarded. You have changed so much since we got together. I see more and more of my God in you. And He is so amazing. There is no one like Him. He brings so much peace and joy. What a wonderful God. Talking about Him brings a smile on my face. Tha...

"You're neither friend nor foe. Though I can't seem to let you go. The one think I still know is that you're keeping me down." - Sara Bareilles I really love that lyric from this beautiful song. It speaks so well to my situation. God has offered me the light to shine on this dark place. I took the flashlight instead of the anointing oil. Battery power doesn't deliver. The energizer bunny don't keep going on and on. Black holes don't absorb light. So cut off the flashlights and shine. It's a power outrage going down. I've been putting battery power in situations that call for oil. It's dripping. Now what's holding me back? Nothing!! We meet in secret places. You never show your face but I can feel you. Standing behind me waiting to introduce yourself. Curiosity causes me to turn praying it's someone new. Someone else trying to catch my attention. I'm disappointed once again. Head low body turning mouth open. But nothing comes out...

If my life was as productive as my thinking I would never get any sleep. I would always be up and at em. Going in like there is no tomorrow. But it’s not. So I dwell on my thoughts day and night. Some good some bad but all are my own. Right now I am at a cross road of spiritual growth and decay. I have to pick which one I would prefer to do. Of course I want to grow more in You. There is no question about it. It comes with so much I am so afraid of. I’ve lost so much over the past 5 years. So many people changed for the worst while others stayed the same and I happily moved forward. But God, You know the saying count your blessings. I don't want to experience decay. And often times that means leaving people behind and striking out on your own so to speak. I know that no matter what I will always have You. Or at least I pray You will love me enough to come rescue me if I ever need to be saved. As great as our relationship is it could be a million times better. I’m just not sure if i...