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Cassette Tapes

"Could it be that the same people who hurt you won't get delivered until you do?" - by @preachaboy03 taken from Ms. Rhachelle Nicol'

As I strolled down my fb stream I came across this status message. I read it just like I read anything else and moved on about my day. Or so I thought. For some strange reason it stuck with me. It was as if God was using this simple question to calm my built up frustration and to answer my silent prayers. There is so much more to writing than pencil and paper. Its not a convenient gift. I can't turn it off and on like a light switch. I don't always have pen and paper. Sometimes all I have is a cell phone and a memo app. Sometimes i have an iPod and email. Then there are those rare times where I have nothing but a souled out mind. I sit patiently waiting for God to fill my mind up praying I can remember what He said so I can pour it out on paper when I get home. But some how it never goes that way. I forget every time.

Everything I have posted here has been a step in the right direction towards my healing. Ive learned how to forgive myself divorce my past and love who I am with every word I type. And just as much as I have done for myself I have done for others. It hasn't always been great on my behalf. I have hurt feelings ruined some trust and stunned growth. Its hard to take the good with the bad. I ask myself over and over how can I be healing when I am wounding another.

Many times Ive thought about just deleting all of it. Walking away from this amazing gift because it didn't seem worth it any more. My writing started to get more and more vague. No one was ever really sure what I was really talking about so they made my relationship the subject and my writings the details. It was annoying. But I never wanted to speak on what the blogs really meant. I didn't believe I owed anyone an explanation. They could either read it and appreciate it or keep it moving. I felt like I never forced anyone to read my blogs so therefore I didn't owe them an explanation. I was so wrong.

The day I gave my life to God was the day I decided He could have His way. I confessed to giving up my will and acknowledging His will at all times. There are so many great lessons to be learned from that small yet meaningful action. In all honesty I did owe all my readers an explanation because I made it public. Its like being a celebrity. Privacy is a foreign language.

I had an incident happen last week. Some words I typed got twisted around and hurt the feelings of some people I love. I was starting to feel like I needed to stop with all the tweets fb status messages and this blog. It was time to delete everything and start over without technology. And then I saw this question.

I know I have been delivered from all that has happened to me. Emotional scars are always the worse. Nobody can see them and they always hide behind smiling faces and laughter. The cliche hurt people hurt people holds some small truth. But in my eyes the undeniable whole truth is hurt people are simply hurt. I use to be that girl. The one that always smiled and laughed when inside it was nothing to have so much joy about. Hiding it didn't make it better. It was facing it that made me stronger. I pray that as I was delivered the people who hurt me are delivered too.

We all deserve freedom. And as long as the SON shines freedom is only His presence away. (:

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