Skip to main content

Next Stop: U Turn

"The second it seems like everything is falling apart run to God who can put better things together. " - Sincerely.Shanae [my tumblr]

One of the best things about BMT is airmen's time in the day room. Its the one chance you get to be free of everything around you. Its where my hope joy and strength came from. I had time to push myself into God. To invade His space like never before. All the letters I received were answered prayer. I have connected with a couple of my flight mates via FB. I see how they respond to each other almost like sisters. The i miss yous and the remember the time whens remind me that I never developed a solid relationship with any of them. I spent a lot of time by myself in my own little corner praying to God. We were inseparable. I talked to Him day and night. In good times and bad times. He became my family. He was my mother father sister brother aunt uncle grandma grandpa etc. He listened to my pain on bad days. He set my joy on fire on my good days. We went from best friends to lovers. I lost my mind my will and my way in Him.

The first piece of mail I received was from my mom. She has no idea how that letter made everything I was going through worth it. I went from being at home checking the mail expecting nothing but junk to sitting on the floor praying that when I heard Kendrick it was for me and not my sister. I remember the day I received this card from my Embassy family. Before I could even open it I read the back and the tears started coming down fast. I read the card on my way back to my security drawer to lock it up and I looked at the photo. It was the first time in a month that I was able to look at people who I loved so much. They were my only source of support the whole time I was there. From a distance with little to no communication they encouraged me picked me up when I was down and pushed me further when I felt like giving up. God provided everything I needed via these people.

I grew up more in 8 1/2 weeks than I did in 22 years. I was always very mature for my age but this experience was different. It didn't give me anything. Rather is showed me who I was and what I was capable of. It showed me the power of faith and the loving character of God. It taught me how to fight all my giants with confidence and expect nothing but victory from myself. "Lord teach my fingers to war and my hands to fight" (totally hope that is correct LOL)

Before I left I shared one of my greatest fears about leaving with one of my sisters. I told her that I'm afraid that I will come back and no one will know who I am. I want to change for the better not the worse. She told me I had nothing to worry about but of course I worried anyways. And reading letters about how everybody back home was getting close I started to feel like I wouldn't fit in any more. Like I would come back and have to catch up with everybody all over again. As usual she ended up being right. The day I got the opportunity to come back it was almost like I never left minus all the never leave us again speeches I got. Someone even told me I had a glow and I looked so happy. But I don't think any of them could understand how good it felt to come home. It was a blessing to stand in the mist of the most passionate lovers of Christ I know. It was a blessing to stand in a church we could call ours.

With so much going on I haven't been able to get back involved like I want too. But I know that when I do come back finally I will be welcomed back with opened arms. Until then I'm making my way back to somethings I lost. No matter how far down the wrong road I go it will never be too late to make a u turn and go back. Life can easily be divided into 3 sections: past present and future. I am still learning from my past living in my present and preparing for my future.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

He Gave

And he gave me hands. Hands to write the vision and make it plain. Hands to wipe every tear as He counted the blessings they would bring. He gave me feet. Feet to walk in the path he set before me. To run this race and endure all that comes my way. To jump over and walk through the valley of the shadow of death. He gave me a mouth. To shout the praises of a living king. To worship the glory of the holy lamb. To move the mountains to new places. To conquer the spirit of silence. He gave me life. Became who I am so I could be who he is. Laid down so I could stand firm. Cried out so I could dream big. Stepped down so I could be set free. Broke chains so I could serve him. Passed down the letter and canceled it through grace. He gave me love. Love to overcome breakthrough. To nurture bring life and survive. To rebuke loneliness inspire and grow. My King My Saviour My Redeemer who is patient and kind. Keeps no records of my wrongs wont delight in my evil ways protects trusts and...

Empty Pages

April 23, 2011 1:13am I broke the New Year open with new dreams new aspirations and a new identity. I was on a journey to find out all I could possibly stand to know about myself. It’s been super tough. There are some things about me that I never cared to know and some things about me that I love but can’t hold on to. The journey hasn't been all bad. I’ve become freer. I begin to move away from certain people and gravitate towards others. I'm trying my best not to seclude myself in my own world. Being alone is so easy. Nobody around but me. I don't have to rejoice over the entrance and weep over the exit. But God declared in Genesis that it was not good for Man to be alone. I take it an all knowing God wouldn’t call a bad thing good or a good thing bad. He is wise like that. Last week I hit a major bump in my journey. On my way to campus I ran into somebody who was of major importance to me. We shared a moment. And just like that my morning/afternoon began to fall apart. I ...

Next Stop: Construction Zone

To fall flat on your face is to release who you use to be. To get back up is to become who you are. - HyQuality Between Romans 8: 28 and Galatians 6: 7 I have been building my understanding of everything that has happened. The people that have left. The relationships that have failed. The words I wish I had kept to myself. I have released the claims they had on my identity, demoting them to tools in the Potter's hands. He has kept me because I asked and yield. The blessing is not in a thing. But in the language attached to my name. Either He will reign forever or it will rain forever but I will not put my faith in both. I thank God for the place I am in. The breaking means more room for Him. A part of rebuilding is realizing that I lacked nothing from the beginning. Greater is He that is in me and in Him is all I need. This is not to starting over. This is to making better. Construction Zones There are two things the calm signifies. One is the peace of a new morning the othe...