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Confessions of Idenity

"The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you'll see their flaws. That's just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don't last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they're out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness' sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it's seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship." - Unknown

And on my way back I decided I would take the long way home and speak my heart. I regret to inform you that speech therapy is over. This is nothing but a confession. - Hyquality


For the first time in a long time I sat still. Shook, quiet, and meek wondering if opening my mouth was wisdom or being a fool. It wasn't like we haven't talked before. Actually we talked every day. Most of the time I would listen, asking questions to guide the conversation along. Leaving space between filler phrases and words like okay and  I understand. I had mastered the art of hearing. But now I just lay here wondering, asking, praying that if I put myself on the altar, He wont kill me.


Distance: the space between you and I that allows us to grow. Too much and we worship a sold out dream. Not enough and we prove how much we hate our selves. Space changes everything. It's never a matter of "if" but "when". Expectation is a combination of word and deed. A lack of action creates a foundation for a house of lies. But a lack of words creates an absent heart that grows hostile. So yes I hate distance. But I love my own space.

I appreciate time zones. The fact that we could exist in similar places at different times fascinates me. The season may change but its the same 24 hours in each day and I value every second. I'm selfishly free; expect when it comes to time. Yes I value mine. Time adds value. Its not just about the amount of time but also the quality. When you have both its priceless. When you skip on quantity its cheap. When you forget quality its free. And I don't do anything for free. I'm not saying I don't waste time, I'm just saying I don't like my time wasted. I invested 3 years in someone else so I deserve more than 1 hour to myself. No shade to history just calculating facts. Cause everything you have a receipt for, the store doesn't take back.

I'm learning to own who I am. I understand that my imperfections create cracks in my will for the grace of God to flow freely. I never wake up feeling flawless but I have woke up feeling loved.
Sometimes I wake up with grace so heavy it pierces the atmosphere and locks up my heart. Other times I go to bed with so much sorrow, tears can't communicate how I feel. Right now I'm just taking steps. Praying that my feet find solid ground, cause Lord knows I can't handle more sinking sand. 

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