Skip to main content

Thinking.

"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of a Hell or a Hell of a Heaven." - John Milton

So im thinking about everything. consistently constantly wondering what if this or what if that. its driving me crazy but it never stops. i can make something so simple and loving so horrible and scary by getting my mind started. it can go from awww today he said i was sweet to i wonder why he said that to maybe he trying to make up for our fight last night to he just trying to get back on my good side and etc. just that quick i made something so great not that great.

my mind has been on fire. i had a crazy dream. a mentor of mine from high school saw me at the mall. i ran over to her and we talked. she wasnt as excited as i was about it. but i didnt notice none of this in my dream. so the min conversation ended cause my father came over and told me wear to meet him at when i get done. so i was like is your number the same. and she was like no. and i was like mine isnt either. maybe we should exchange numbers. while we are having this conversation she is slowly walking away and im just stuck standing there.

now it got me started. why would she do that. thats not her type of behavior. she is such a sweet encouraging lady. i love her to pieces. she is awesome. but she wasnt that person no more. got me thinking i could be about to loose somebody who is oh so important to me.

all i can do is think about it. and my mind is rambling on and on and on and on. im going to look it up and sleep on it again tonight. this simple dream could mean i have just grown up and some people i need to let go off. and i know who. but i dont want too. and it kills me. so in my mind all i can think is it started off as welcome to heaven and now its exit to the left or right for hell.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Next Stop: Liberty

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. - John 8:36 "It is the hurt that breaks me it’s the pain that pulls me to my knees and the tears they’ve changed me til what I couldn’t see Becomes so clear to me This is the way The way that you love me" - Anthony Evans Where do I begin? Its been a long 2 months. I went through every emotion there is. I cried more than I slept and prayed more than I breathed. I was isolated from every single comfort zone I faithfully rested my head upon. All I had was a mouth to pray and hands to praise. It was just me and God. And though I know He would never leave nor forsake me I had never felt so alone. I felt abandoned and cut off. The dreams I had grown so accustomed to were no where to be found. The very gift through which all my answered prayer came was out of service. I felt like my prayer was in vain. I started to focus my mind on other things. I begin to rely on people back home to tell me what God was saying. I patiently...
2 comments
Read more

Thoughts on Forgiving

Most people think they learn forgiveness as a child. Which in part is true. Children generally forgive without thought. You don't have to ask for it or beg for it. They just give it. But something happens when we grow up. Its like we make a conscience effort to eat the apple which brings forth our own ideas on how to forgive. We have to engage our five senses in a way that no man can satisfy. We have to hear and feel the apology. The person desiring forgiveness has to articulate their vocabulary like your favorite song on a hot summer's eve in July. Saying words like I'm sorry because... and I apologize for..... We put our hands together to skip prayer and formulate schemes on how we can make somebody work for our forgiveness as if we are some supernatural higher being who has never needed forgiveness. The victim and the perpetrator always switch places assuming the other should have been the bigger person. We have the expectation for a divine quality to manifes...
2 comments
Read more

Snapshots

Picture This Walking without a set destination. Wondering when my left and right switched positions causing me to go backwards. Hoping I would trip upon my future and land inside His will. Not sure if he still feels the same. He loves me He loves me not. Or maybe I don't love Him. Picture This A young lady fighting to hold on to what she knows. Not willing to give in to her past. Scared that she will disappoint those if they really knew the picture that sin snapped of her. Hoping they would believe for themselves but knowing the cross is heavy. Lord you said your burden is light and your yoke is easy. So why do I feel so heavy? Picture This Love blossoming like beautiful roses in a stone garden. Seperated but holding on tighter than ever before. Beautiful things come from hard places. Walking around several times doesn't always mean the walls fall down. Crazy things happen when you let Egypt conquer Judah. These jeans would fit better if I knew who I was. Picture This It...
2 comments
Read more