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Thinking.

"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of a Hell or a Hell of a Heaven." - John Milton

So im thinking about everything. consistently constantly wondering what if this or what if that. its driving me crazy but it never stops. i can make something so simple and loving so horrible and scary by getting my mind started. it can go from awww today he said i was sweet to i wonder why he said that to maybe he trying to make up for our fight last night to he just trying to get back on my good side and etc. just that quick i made something so great not that great.

my mind has been on fire. i had a crazy dream. a mentor of mine from high school saw me at the mall. i ran over to her and we talked. she wasnt as excited as i was about it. but i didnt notice none of this in my dream. so the min conversation ended cause my father came over and told me wear to meet him at when i get done. so i was like is your number the same. and she was like no. and i was like mine isnt either. maybe we should exchange numbers. while we are having this conversation she is slowly walking away and im just stuck standing there.

now it got me started. why would she do that. thats not her type of behavior. she is such a sweet encouraging lady. i love her to pieces. she is awesome. but she wasnt that person no more. got me thinking i could be about to loose somebody who is oh so important to me.

all i can do is think about it. and my mind is rambling on and on and on and on. im going to look it up and sleep on it again tonight. this simple dream could mean i have just grown up and some people i need to let go off. and i know who. but i dont want too. and it kills me. so in my mind all i can think is it started off as welcome to heaven and now its exit to the left or right for hell.

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