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#ImComingHome

"One thing I've learned: Don't let your mistakes take you out of the presence of God nor allow people's opinion of you when you make that mistake change the way you see yourself! Bc baby we all got something we've done & some still doing it, but His Grace."- Jaz

Would you believe it wasn't my intention to be here typing this all out. I honestly let this blog go. In a lot of ways I gave up on writing with out giving up on it. Stuff that was suppose to be on this blog ended up being condescended to late night thoughts on Facebook and hidden notes on my iPhone. Its hilariously humbling that it took a post on Instagram for me to come back and say something. But I'm here and I have so much to share. I just pray you all are still listening.


There is something about mistakes.
Missing the mark over and over again until you create a cycle of
false humility & sin. But it looks so good and it feels so right. God,
I'm so sorry. Truth be told nobody is upset they missed the mark.
We are upset because conviction won't leave us alone and
condemnation keeps adding chains.

I use to like Him a whole lot. He would say be holy and I
would be holy in every area but the one I knew He was
talking about. I lowered His rank to feed my flesh and
it tasted good until I had to swallow. The bitterness of my
sacrifice wasn't worth the sweetness of His obedience.

I remember falling to my knees screaming at him. I was ready
to go home but I needed to make sure the door was still open.
I knew I had to knock so I told him I would run if the door was
open. Two weeks later I'm still packing my bags. I haven't saved
up enough condemnation to pay for a bus ticket back home.
The journey between two destinations didn't feel worth it and I
couldn't afford it until I felt worthless.

So whose cross did I die on? Stretching my arms wide believing I had
done no wrong, Lord why have you forsaken me? You said you would
be here but instead you're there with your face turned away from me.
Nobody told me my garden was growing vanity. In the cool of the day
I was beautiful flowing freely as the wind blew. But in the sin of one
moment I was arrested for a crime I wasn't created to commit. Naked
as ever, you clothed me and put me out just to build my endurance to
run back.

Shan where are you? Lord here am I. With everything I own that's really yours anyways. I'm standing on the foundation of a word I heard a long time ago. She who looks back is not fit to be in the Kingdom. But she who has two ears knows what your voice sounds like and a stranger she won't entertain. 

Through the chaos of life I can still hear you whispering my name. So today my heart cries out and my tears flow in a language only you can understand, #ImComingHome. 



Comments

Lady Nevaeh said…
Completely Bless My Life !
I Thank You For This Shan !!
Keep Writing !!
Souls Are Waiting To Hear From You !
August 4, 2014 at 6:42 PM
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