Skip to main content

Toast It Up

There are conversations going on in my heart that keep me at the edge of grace. 
These are not perfect conversations but interpretations of the heartbeats that keep me alive. 
These conversations are also incomplete. Beyond the walls of my heart they are empty and lifeless. 
With no meaning outside of emotion, will you lift your glass as I toast ...


To the boys I once loved, thank you for not having the courage to love me back. 
Of all the things I could regret, it will never be my experience will you. 
You taught me how to chase after Him and dive into His relentless love.
Finally the scars on my heart are free to reflect His beauty. 

To the guys I once liked, you helped me figure out what life is all about and why death is so easily feared. 
It is the unexpected last breath that we are afraid of much like the unexpected end we shared. 
I absolutely hated to watch you walk away but I'm grateful on my worst days you didn't stay.  
It was never about your presence but the space you occupied that was not built for you. 
You unknowingly upgraded my faith in God the second you left. 
You were my idea of God's best and we still didn't make the cut. 
Too bad imagination can't create real love. 

To the women who loved them back, I am not your enemy. 
I know it's much easier to resent me than to embrace me but I'd rather live in peace. 
I am simply not your competition. 
We have nothing to prove to each other. 
Pick up your joy and love you own King. 
Extend to me grace and pray I find my own. 
The absence of me is not the presence of you. 
We can exist together. 

To the friends I lost along the way, I'm sorry. 
I broke a friend code or three on my journey to love. 
I made wife decisions at the expense of your feelings while carrying girlfriend status. 
And even though time and space have reaped a mighty harvest, 
right now, I'd do anything to hear you say I told you so. 
It sounds so much better than nothing at all.

To the lessons learned while broken, sleep is not the only place God increases capacity. 
The soul is a shapeless being that forms into whatever you endure. 
I've been lust awaken in the midnight hour to satisfy flesh that greeted me with shame in the morning. 
I've been anxiety up serving insomnia instead of intercession. 
I've also been bitter but it's so much better being healed. 
Thank God for space. 

Cheers! 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Knock You Down

"Love (human affection) has put me through so much. Ive cried held on let go let God. Stayed. Thought about leaving. Threw in the towel went to go wash it. Prayed and fasted. Stopped moving moved too fast. Sometimes I need a break from love." - Shanithia That one little mini paragraph is exactly how I feel right about now. I'm sitting here trying to figure out how else to explain it but that's it. On more than one occasion a couple different people have told me I need to let these relationships go and be by myself for a while. I need to enjoy the world around me cause once I get married I'm going to wish I had enjoyed life a little more. I always laughed about. I'm still laughing about that actually. I enjoy my life most days. Cant say all days cause these past four days have been....lets just say I've had way way way way better days. I don't feel as if the world has anything for me except foolishness and more trouble than I'm already promised. And...
Post a Comment
Read more

Embrace Me

"Chest to chest. Nose to nose. Palm to palm. We were just that close. Wrist to wrist. Toe to toe.....So how come when I reach out my finger it feels like more than distance between us." - California King Bed: Rihanna Chest to chest The simplest of friendships start with the warmness of a hug. The closest that two hearts can be and still beat. Love has a language of its own. One you can only become fluent in through a relationship with Christ. But hugs are different. The embrace of open arms that only close when you come inside caused my first accident. I smashed into you and became paralyzed from the waist down. You picked me up vowing to never let me fall. Palm to palm We never interlocked fingers. We simply held hands. Conversations overlapping future speeches. Wisdom flying at the speed of light with no cops to pull us over. Hand shakes quickly turned into high fives as the intimacy reduced to seconds. Never hungry enough to eat the entire plate. From refrigerator to trash...
1 comment
Read more

Next Stop: Construction Zone

To fall flat on your face is to release who you use to be. To get back up is to become who you are. - HyQuality Between Romans 8: 28 and Galatians 6: 7 I have been building my understanding of everything that has happened. The people that have left. The relationships that have failed. The words I wish I had kept to myself. I have released the claims they had on my identity, demoting them to tools in the Potter's hands. He has kept me because I asked and yield. The blessing is not in a thing. But in the language attached to my name. Either He will reign forever or it will rain forever but I will not put my faith in both. I thank God for the place I am in. The breaking means more room for Him. A part of rebuilding is realizing that I lacked nothing from the beginning. Greater is He that is in me and in Him is all I need. This is not to starting over. This is to making better. Construction Zones There are two things the calm signifies. One is the peace of a new morning the othe...
Post a Comment
Read more