This is a totally different vibe from what my normal blog is. But I think it needs to be said. I am not a relationship coach, therapist, married (yet *wink*) or anything else. I am simple your sister in Christ who understands what you feel, and can offer you biblically sound advice to help you manage this season of life.
I have been blessed to have many different conversations with both sexes about love and relationships. The way we each view these two things amazes me. It is also proof that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But the God in all of this is that we each have a half. 1 Corinthians 13:9 says "For we know in part and we prophesy in part". We can only speak the part we know and we don't know it all. What a blessing that is. When curiosity is properly managed, it can open the mind to endless possibilities and mature faith. No matter where you land on the spectrum of singleness, don't be afraid to ask questions. Which brings me to my first point.
The first reason singles are often frustrated is because they don't ask questions. They are often so ashamed, embarrassed, or overly confident about being single, that they create an island for themselves. They either believe they have it all together or they are too afraid to share what they have going on. One of the oldest and greatest tricks of the enemy is to make you believe you are the only person enduring whatever it is. If he can shut your mouth, he can stop you from getting delivered, he can stop you from changing your situation, he can make you miserable, he can drive you insane, he can steal your peace. This is why we as Christians must learn to rest in Romans 8:1. Whatever you struggle with, fight with, lost to, or can't find the strength to let go of, don't let those triplets, guilt, shame, and condemnation, stop you from opening your mouth.
The second reason singles are often frustrated is the fight to maintain purity. Just go ahead and say ouch now. LOL. But let's be honest, most of us are either hiding our frustration from the public while being upset with God in private, or easing our frustration in unhealthy ungodly ways. You may be saying well Shan, what else am I suppose to do? How does God expect me to be a full grown adult and not have desires of the flesh? To answer your questions: 1. its other things to do. 2. No He doesn't expect you to not have desires, but He does expect you to grow fruit. Galatians 5: 22 gives us 9 fruits of the spirit. Let's explain how each of this will help you maintain your purity.
1. Love: John 14: 15. If there was a easier way to say it, I would have typed it out. But subjects like these don't need easy, they need truth and this is simply the truth. Prove your love.
2. Joy: One of the best ways to combat frustration is to use joy. Now joy and happiness are not the same thing. Joy comes from God, happiness comes from people, places, and things. Joy shifts your focus from what you don't have to what is right in front of your eyes. Happiness changes as the story unfolds, joy remains despite the report. When you take joy in purity, it eases frustrations and you gain supernatural strength.
3. Peace: I have found that maintaining purity requires you to fight for peace. You will encounter friends and even family who will commend you for doing it God's way only to pressure you to change your mind. Most times is unintentional. It happens through small things like conversations about sensitive subjects, or social pressure to keep a mate. For my ladies, its hard finding a man who is willing to wait, but truth is, its not your responsibility to satisfy his desires. Bro, I love you to life, but you are called to be pure just like she is. You don't get a pass because of your gender. Protect your peace by saying no and setting boundaries. Trust me, the enemy will convince you to satisfy yourself and your mate and then leave you with guilt that will eat away at your peace. Don't fall for it.
4. Longsuffering: There is no more powerful fruit than endurance. How long can you fight before you quit? How much pressure can you take before you crack? Longsuffering allows us to say no and mean it no matter what. That means I will tell my flesh no at all times despite what life throws my way. I am willing to suffer for a while until the God of all grace comes to strengthen and sustain me (1 Peter 5: 10). If you don't learn how to suffer for a little while by yourself, how do you plan on suffering with somebody else?
5. Kindness: Kindness is as simple as it sounds, its all about being kind. Being kind has benefits. You don't have to be single and bitter. You don't have to be single and rude. But you should be single and kind. A season is a long time to be discontent, unhappy, lacking joy, prideful, and mean. Don't let that be your testimony. Nice guys don't finish last and good girls don't love bad boys. Nice guys can endure marathons, and good girls know their value. Both are necessary to grow in purity. Being kind helps you wait. It's just that simple. So be kind, it shortens the wait time.
6. Goodness: Now goodness is different from kindness. Goodness is moral excellence and virtue. It's impossible to maintain moral excellence and virtue without goodness. Philippians 4:8 tells us to think on these things. When you keep goodness on your mind, you have no room for perversion. After all if the eye be full of light... you know the rest. Light up the world with goodness.
7. Faithfulness: If you can be faithful to a commandment to be pure, you can be faithful to covenant. Faithfulness is about choosing to maintain your decree. If the decree is to wait until marriage, your faithfulness must rise to the occasion. It's not God's job to make you faithful, He completed His work on the cross. If a "no" changes his "real and true" feelings for you, give God praise and let him go. He is immature. If she cant handle "no" worship Jesus and move on. She is childish. Hear me, if you raise kids who will be the parent and who will be the child? You wont be able to tell. Stay faithful.
8. Gentleness: This might possibly be my favorite fruit. Back in the day when I was dating, I had no gentleness. I was rude and covered it under the guise of "being real". I wanted to be treated like a Queen but didn't want to shape my attitude as such. In the end, I lost the relationship because I couldn't be gentle. Sis, you don't have to cuss him out for bumping into your boundary. Bro, you don't have to threaten to leave because you can't have your way. Proverbs 15:1. A gentle answer eases frustration and grows respect.
9. Self-Control: Whew. I am going to say ouch for my own self. This one has tripped me up multiple times. Nobody else can prevent the growth of this fruit but you. While life, people, and things might be able to impact the other fruits, this one is not so. You can't even blame the enemy. The responsibility belongs to you and you alone. This fruit requires you too look in the mirror and be honest. Self-control maintains purity by growing the will of God in your life. It's okay for it to be your fault, but its not okay to pass the blame. The other person won't accept it and you will only be frustrated. Tend to your garden, keep your own life.
The third and final reason singles are frustrated is social media. Yep, Instagram, Myspace, Blackplanet, Snapchat, and Facebook have you sitting alone by yourself throwing a pity party. You are caught up in the illusion of somebody else's great and wonderful life that you are sure your life is miserable beyond repair. This is especially true on days like today, Valentine's Day. Everybody is posting gifts and sweet affirmation of love to their boo, bae, and or spouse. You are sitting there reading it all, liking a few so you don't seem like a hater, and upset you don't have anything to post. But yet you keep meditating on it, did you know staring is a form meditation? Can I offer you this amazing advice? I know some people would charge you $199 and 3 days of mind blowing experiences for this advice. But I won't do you like that. For a small love offering of Free.99, made payable via cashapp, paypal, check, or money order, I can help you cure all of that. Like to hear it? Here it go... DELETE THEM!! *insert Baptist fit* If all they post is their relationship and you are not in a place to see that without your heart being infected with envy, jealousy, or lust, simply unfollow and unfriend. Don't make excuses for them, when your mental spiritual and emotional health is decaying.
I pray that this helps you along your journey. Don't mismanagement your season because you can't check your emotions. Grow fruit and live your best life. Want to hear more? Meet me at Smingle!!!
RSVP here: BIT.LY/smingle
Feb 24, 2018 at Embassy Church Atl. The address is 325 Fulton Industrial Circle Atlanta, GA 30336. I'll be answering more questions at the event :) Cheers to singles!!
I have been blessed to have many different conversations with both sexes about love and relationships. The way we each view these two things amazes me. It is also proof that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But the God in all of this is that we each have a half. 1 Corinthians 13:9 says "For we know in part and we prophesy in part". We can only speak the part we know and we don't know it all. What a blessing that is. When curiosity is properly managed, it can open the mind to endless possibilities and mature faith. No matter where you land on the spectrum of singleness, don't be afraid to ask questions. Which brings me to my first point.
The first reason singles are often frustrated is because they don't ask questions. They are often so ashamed, embarrassed, or overly confident about being single, that they create an island for themselves. They either believe they have it all together or they are too afraid to share what they have going on. One of the oldest and greatest tricks of the enemy is to make you believe you are the only person enduring whatever it is. If he can shut your mouth, he can stop you from getting delivered, he can stop you from changing your situation, he can make you miserable, he can drive you insane, he can steal your peace. This is why we as Christians must learn to rest in Romans 8:1. Whatever you struggle with, fight with, lost to, or can't find the strength to let go of, don't let those triplets, guilt, shame, and condemnation, stop you from opening your mouth.
The second reason singles are often frustrated is the fight to maintain purity. Just go ahead and say ouch now. LOL. But let's be honest, most of us are either hiding our frustration from the public while being upset with God in private, or easing our frustration in unhealthy ungodly ways. You may be saying well Shan, what else am I suppose to do? How does God expect me to be a full grown adult and not have desires of the flesh? To answer your questions: 1. its other things to do. 2. No He doesn't expect you to not have desires, but He does expect you to grow fruit. Galatians 5: 22 gives us 9 fruits of the spirit. Let's explain how each of this will help you maintain your purity.
1. Love: John 14: 15. If there was a easier way to say it, I would have typed it out. But subjects like these don't need easy, they need truth and this is simply the truth. Prove your love.
2. Joy: One of the best ways to combat frustration is to use joy. Now joy and happiness are not the same thing. Joy comes from God, happiness comes from people, places, and things. Joy shifts your focus from what you don't have to what is right in front of your eyes. Happiness changes as the story unfolds, joy remains despite the report. When you take joy in purity, it eases frustrations and you gain supernatural strength.
3. Peace: I have found that maintaining purity requires you to fight for peace. You will encounter friends and even family who will commend you for doing it God's way only to pressure you to change your mind. Most times is unintentional. It happens through small things like conversations about sensitive subjects, or social pressure to keep a mate. For my ladies, its hard finding a man who is willing to wait, but truth is, its not your responsibility to satisfy his desires. Bro, I love you to life, but you are called to be pure just like she is. You don't get a pass because of your gender. Protect your peace by saying no and setting boundaries. Trust me, the enemy will convince you to satisfy yourself and your mate and then leave you with guilt that will eat away at your peace. Don't fall for it.
4. Longsuffering: There is no more powerful fruit than endurance. How long can you fight before you quit? How much pressure can you take before you crack? Longsuffering allows us to say no and mean it no matter what. That means I will tell my flesh no at all times despite what life throws my way. I am willing to suffer for a while until the God of all grace comes to strengthen and sustain me (1 Peter 5: 10). If you don't learn how to suffer for a little while by yourself, how do you plan on suffering with somebody else?
5. Kindness: Kindness is as simple as it sounds, its all about being kind. Being kind has benefits. You don't have to be single and bitter. You don't have to be single and rude. But you should be single and kind. A season is a long time to be discontent, unhappy, lacking joy, prideful, and mean. Don't let that be your testimony. Nice guys don't finish last and good girls don't love bad boys. Nice guys can endure marathons, and good girls know their value. Both are necessary to grow in purity. Being kind helps you wait. It's just that simple. So be kind, it shortens the wait time.
6. Goodness: Now goodness is different from kindness. Goodness is moral excellence and virtue. It's impossible to maintain moral excellence and virtue without goodness. Philippians 4:8 tells us to think on these things. When you keep goodness on your mind, you have no room for perversion. After all if the eye be full of light... you know the rest. Light up the world with goodness.
7. Faithfulness: If you can be faithful to a commandment to be pure, you can be faithful to covenant. Faithfulness is about choosing to maintain your decree. If the decree is to wait until marriage, your faithfulness must rise to the occasion. It's not God's job to make you faithful, He completed His work on the cross. If a "no" changes his "real and true" feelings for you, give God praise and let him go. He is immature. If she cant handle "no" worship Jesus and move on. She is childish. Hear me, if you raise kids who will be the parent and who will be the child? You wont be able to tell. Stay faithful.
8. Gentleness: This might possibly be my favorite fruit. Back in the day when I was dating, I had no gentleness. I was rude and covered it under the guise of "being real". I wanted to be treated like a Queen but didn't want to shape my attitude as such. In the end, I lost the relationship because I couldn't be gentle. Sis, you don't have to cuss him out for bumping into your boundary. Bro, you don't have to threaten to leave because you can't have your way. Proverbs 15:1. A gentle answer eases frustration and grows respect.
9. Self-Control: Whew. I am going to say ouch for my own self. This one has tripped me up multiple times. Nobody else can prevent the growth of this fruit but you. While life, people, and things might be able to impact the other fruits, this one is not so. You can't even blame the enemy. The responsibility belongs to you and you alone. This fruit requires you too look in the mirror and be honest. Self-control maintains purity by growing the will of God in your life. It's okay for it to be your fault, but its not okay to pass the blame. The other person won't accept it and you will only be frustrated. Tend to your garden, keep your own life.
The third and final reason singles are frustrated is social media. Yep, Instagram, Myspace, Blackplanet, Snapchat, and Facebook have you sitting alone by yourself throwing a pity party. You are caught up in the illusion of somebody else's great and wonderful life that you are sure your life is miserable beyond repair. This is especially true on days like today, Valentine's Day. Everybody is posting gifts and sweet affirmation of love to their boo, bae, and or spouse. You are sitting there reading it all, liking a few so you don't seem like a hater, and upset you don't have anything to post. But yet you keep meditating on it, did you know staring is a form meditation? Can I offer you this amazing advice? I know some people would charge you $199 and 3 days of mind blowing experiences for this advice. But I won't do you like that. For a small love offering of Free.99, made payable via cashapp, paypal, check, or money order, I can help you cure all of that. Like to hear it? Here it go... DELETE THEM!! *insert Baptist fit* If all they post is their relationship and you are not in a place to see that without your heart being infected with envy, jealousy, or lust, simply unfollow and unfriend. Don't make excuses for them, when your mental spiritual and emotional health is decaying.
I pray that this helps you along your journey. Don't mismanagement your season because you can't check your emotions. Grow fruit and live your best life. Want to hear more? Meet me at Smingle!!!
RSVP here: BIT.LY/smingle
Feb 24, 2018 at Embassy Church Atl. The address is 325 Fulton Industrial Circle Atlanta, GA 30336. I'll be answering more questions at the event :) Cheers to singles!!
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