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After Hours

"Delayed obedience is still disobedience."
"Every daughter deserves a father. But what happens when he really wanted a son?"

AHH the joys of prayer. Its been having my mind racing lately. A lot of stuff is starting to come out. I seem to have a lot to say that dont get said. All of that keeps me up 4am. Im so thankful for the gift to write. Its my loud confident fearless powerful voice. Im crystal clear when I write. This is the coversation.

They say solitary confinement is cruel and unusual punishment.
And I walk in it daily.
Not ready to free myself cause I would have to trust some one else.
Its not a hell hole until I need somebody.
And they walk away every time.
I'm left as a distant memory.
A figure not worthy of their shadows.
I love it nobody but me.
Nobody to knock me down.
Nobody to never be there.
Just me to feed myself understanding in doses.
I hate it nobody for us.
No semi that comes full circle.
No we can do this together.
No carry me home cause I'm not ready to leave.
I can count on me to do what they might do.
I cut light breathe deep and let go slowly : its suicide.
I guess I'm selfish. I'd rather pull the trigger than run into the knife.
My back hurts even now I won't share my baggage.
He offers help.
I don't fully trust him. But I love him.
Love him like we share the same blood.
Love him like he saved my life.
Daddy always told me he will be with me until the end of time.
I just wanna know why he can't be both.
He gave me the responsibility to pick my own family.
But I can't call it.
Its not just cold in the winter time its cold when the moon shines.
Its always cold in here.
I'm loosing it.
It destroys me in a matter of seconds.
He was never home and now he wants to make us a home.
I want it.
Just don't want to pay for it.
The grass is always greener on my side cause the other side got issues of they own. If I close my eyes I know I'm here.
But how I'm suppose to see you?

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