Skip to main content

After Hours

"Delayed obedience is still disobedience."
"Every daughter deserves a father. But what happens when he really wanted a son?"

AHH the joys of prayer. Its been having my mind racing lately. A lot of stuff is starting to come out. I seem to have a lot to say that dont get said. All of that keeps me up 4am. Im so thankful for the gift to write. Its my loud confident fearless powerful voice. Im crystal clear when I write. This is the coversation.

They say solitary confinement is cruel and unusual punishment.
And I walk in it daily.
Not ready to free myself cause I would have to trust some one else.
Its not a hell hole until I need somebody.
And they walk away every time.
I'm left as a distant memory.
A figure not worthy of their shadows.
I love it nobody but me.
Nobody to knock me down.
Nobody to never be there.
Just me to feed myself understanding in doses.
I hate it nobody for us.
No semi that comes full circle.
No we can do this together.
No carry me home cause I'm not ready to leave.
I can count on me to do what they might do.
I cut light breathe deep and let go slowly : its suicide.
I guess I'm selfish. I'd rather pull the trigger than run into the knife.
My back hurts even now I won't share my baggage.
He offers help.
I don't fully trust him. But I love him.
Love him like we share the same blood.
Love him like he saved my life.
Daddy always told me he will be with me until the end of time.
I just wanna know why he can't be both.
He gave me the responsibility to pick my own family.
But I can't call it.
Its not just cold in the winter time its cold when the moon shines.
Its always cold in here.
I'm loosing it.
It destroys me in a matter of seconds.
He was never home and now he wants to make us a home.
I want it.
Just don't want to pay for it.
The grass is always greener on my side cause the other side got issues of they own. If I close my eyes I know I'm here.
But how I'm suppose to see you?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Next Stop: Liberty

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. - John 8:36 "It is the hurt that breaks me it’s the pain that pulls me to my knees and the tears they’ve changed me til what I couldn’t see Becomes so clear to me This is the way The way that you love me" - Anthony Evans Where do I begin? Its been a long 2 months. I went through every emotion there is. I cried more than I slept and prayed more than I breathed. I was isolated from every single comfort zone I faithfully rested my head upon. All I had was a mouth to pray and hands to praise. It was just me and God. And though I know He would never leave nor forsake me I had never felt so alone. I felt abandoned and cut off. The dreams I had grown so accustomed to were no where to be found. The very gift through which all my answered prayer came was out of service. I felt like my prayer was in vain. I started to focus my mind on other things. I begin to rely on people back home to tell me what God was saying. I patiently...

Challenge Accepted: My Scars

A couple days ago a fellow blogger and sister of mine issued a challenge. The challenge was to write a blog on why I show my scars. Once I read the challenge I knew I had to participate. Sharing my journey through writing has been a source of healing and freedom not just for me but for those who read the blog. Ever since I started this blog I have had the support of Rhachelle and I am truly grateful for that. When I bought my first pink my scars tee from her RN brand t-shirt collection I promised myself I wouldn't put it on until I was ready to speak freely about everything I had been through. Needless to say the shirt is in heavy rotation and I can no longer be silent about how Christ rescued me. I hope that you all enjoy this post and decide to take the challenge as well. Check out rhachellenicol.com for more information on the challenge and rnbranddesign.bigcartel.com for the my scars t-shirts and her other ministry tees.  I show my scars because I was never good at putting o...

He Gave

And he gave me hands. Hands to write the vision and make it plain. Hands to wipe every tear as He counted the blessings they would bring. He gave me feet. Feet to walk in the path he set before me. To run this race and endure all that comes my way. To jump over and walk through the valley of the shadow of death. He gave me a mouth. To shout the praises of a living king. To worship the glory of the holy lamb. To move the mountains to new places. To conquer the spirit of silence. He gave me life. Became who I am so I could be who he is. Laid down so I could stand firm. Cried out so I could dream big. Stepped down so I could be set free. Broke chains so I could serve him. Passed down the letter and canceled it through grace. He gave me love. Love to overcome breakthrough. To nurture bring life and survive. To rebuke loneliness inspire and grow. My King My Saviour My Redeemer who is patient and kind. Keeps no records of my wrongs wont delight in my evil ways protects trusts and...