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Nothing Like Missing You

"Whether you open your mouth or not you are communicating. We cannot avoid communication."

Yet I'm not ready for this one. All these years. I've replayed the conversation in my head. I'd talk to God and attempt to explain myself and my actions. Like why the distance made me fall in love or why saying nothing gave me time to say something. It started to make sense in parts. Halves but no wholes. I admired the back so we never met face to face. My vocabulary wasn't expanding because I rarely used it. And the times when I did it was more death than life. I could kill it all in a matter of words no guilt no shame. Just bucket of sarcasm and a pocket full of hurt. I walked around for 19 years with a knife in one half of my heart and the other half no longer in service. It was the cut that dug deeper and hurt so bad I couldn't feel it. Never got stuck on bandaid brand cause it just couldn't heal me. They tell me time heals all wounds. Im 21 years old and it still burns. But at least I can feel something. Restoration started 2 years ago with simple conversation. Yelling and screaming on both sides no signs of compromise. A long ride and still no help. I was trained to hate harder so that if I loved a little bit it wouldn't ever be enough to forgive. I found out God could heal me. So I gave him a try. Lub dub lub dub. It beats again. Slowly but despite the pace it's alive. But I wouldn't let Him touch the knife. So he chose to remove it using somebody I trusted. From here I gave birth to something special. I haven't met her yet but I know she is beautiful. The gift was all I ever needed. It's the anointing I'm missing.

Pray with me :)
God I come before you with all the pieces. I leave nothing of what was in my heart or mind outside your hands. I ask that you keep me in perfect peace. Shower me in your love and comfort. I need you to carry me through and I know you will. I ask that you heal the hearts of all those that are broken. I know what that feels like and so do You. There is no pain You cant feel and no hurt You can heal. I believe in you and I know you are more that able. Its in the matchless and mighty name of Jesus I pray. Amen!

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